it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
