how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
