I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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