did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
