I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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