I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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