Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
