i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
