he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sext me about skeletons
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