bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
