I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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