I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
