My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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