The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
