Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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