I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
