I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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