So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
