I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As shirtless as possible
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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