please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
