He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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