New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
