Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
