If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
