Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
