So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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