I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
