i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
