the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
