She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
now i know why i became what i already was.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize