Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
