seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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