I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
