I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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