Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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