Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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