He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize