dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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