I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
