I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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