Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
