How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
