Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
