I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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