I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Terrible idea I love it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
