You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
