ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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