I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
