Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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