Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
