I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
