tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
