I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
