You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize