I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
