My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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