He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
