True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
