i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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