he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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