im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
