I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
